My Kinda Men !

Why should a man yearn for a man ? Afterall it is so abnormal.
I have dwelved on this question for a couple of years. All those years spent in guilt and remorse at my being 'abnormal'.

For me, it was the lack of love from a man in the family. In those growing up years, I could never connect with my papa or my brother. As far as I can recollect, I have never been hugged by my father (Ok. only once when he was happy, but then it had nothing to do with me. It was the occasion. Besides ?I was already grown up then.)

Papa has never patted me on my back. He always been the provider, but he has never shown the slightest inclination to be a dad. My brother had his own world and friends. I was like a weed. I guess my yearning for men was written in those formative years in my life. I just wanted security. A sturdy arm to comfort me, a strong neck, where I could hide my face and wash away my tears.

Puhleease, I am not complaining or anything. I am ok with no affection from men in my family. I guess, this yearning grew throughout my childhood and took a weird turn in my teeens. I fantacised someone caring for me and being there and loving me like no one ever had. These are the roots of my gay side. And this is the reason that till date, I have not indulged in casual bodily pleasures. I guess I need care.

Hence, my preference to strong, masculine men, who could hold you and hide you from your own demons ...

So, what are the psychological factors that made you gay / bi ?